The NBA has its merits: it’s entertainment

With basketball season finally upon us, the inevitable cries of “college basketball is soooo much better than NBA basketball” will pollute the air once again.

To try to convince you that the NBA is better is about as pointless as telling Wake Forest that the current parking situation sucks.

But the NBA is worth watching in its own right. There is the brilliance of the players with one name, including Kobe, Lebron and D-Wade. Then there is the intrigue of off-season moves that make teams like Orlando and San Antonio even stronger and the promise of young teams like the Blazers who are seemingly ready to take the next big step.

Okay, but really, let’s face it, the NBA’s true entertainment stems from what purists consider all the wrong reasons. Whatever. It’s all just entertainment anyway.

So here are three seriously underappreciated reasons why you should watch the NBA this season.

Ron Artest

He ignited the greatest TIVO-moment of all time when he chased after a fan and started a brawl with Detroit Pistons fans. He showed up to the third (and final) team bus for a Game 7 playoff wearing only his underwear in front of the rest of bus-riders that included the Houston Rockets owner and GM.  On the court, “Ron-Ron” once decided the best way to guard Boston Celtics guard Paul Pierce was to de-pants him in front of 15,000 people.

He is the type of guy who will make you laugh endlessly (and maybe cringe too).  Well, unless you are a Lakers fan, that is.  You don’t know how, when or why, but he is going to destroy that championship team.  The fans of the other 31 teams cannot wait to see it happen.

The Golden State Warriors

The beauty of professional sports is that you have dysfunctional teams that are so pathetic that they are just funny. These are the teams that you follow because it is so morbidly comical how bad they are (see the Jarmarcus Russell-led Oakland Raiders).

The NBA has the Warriors, who in turn have Steven Jackson. Here is a guy who goes into stands swinging at anyone he can hit, talks to fans while guarding players, and somehow picks up five fouls and a technical in less than nine minutes.  He is currently demanding a trade. Captain Jack is about to blow his top.

“Nellie ball” will continue to the scorelines of 165-145 that are really just a back and forth of “dunk-lines” (who really lays it up in the pre-game layup-line anymore?). The backcourt of two four-foot-five-inch players in Monte Ellis and Stephen Curry reeks of defensive deficiency.

Even Monte Ellis, who came straight from high school, is smart enough to know that this is not going to work out either.

To Laugh at College Superstars Failings

Once the big men on campus, these guys now get less love from the coach than the waterboy.  That would be you, J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison. Maybe it is cruel to pick on young men who are struggling to find a foot-hole in their careers: a situation with which many seniors may soon sympathize with. But hey, they made us suffer.

We all had to sit through the ESPN segment on Redick that had him recite his poetry that included such gems as “soar like a condor.” Then, as a kick in the pants, we would have to sit through another Diky V announced Duke game.

Porn-moustache included, Morrison is just awful in every facet of the game. He can’t rebound, defend, shoot or probably dunk. Do you know that he was on the Lakers last year?

Didn’t think so. He is definitely the winner of the “no way he has a job next year” title. The NBA is certainly not perfect and its games’ atmospheres may never match that of a Duke vs. UNC contest, but what you do get is the most freakish (read: best) collection of athletes on the planet awing you.

Run Anthony Randolph. Run while you still can.